a hostage situation

We were good this year with our tax preparations. On top of it. Probably more so than any year since Mrs. Blonde started her own company - Beauty by Crystal. I bribed my friend with food scheduled a meeting with our accountant before folks were even singing carols in 2009. Like I said...ON IT!

Come mid-February, as expected, we found out we were getting a serious sum of money back from the Feds. I really need to rearrange my withholdings! Of course, two kids doesn't hurt either. And, there will be FOUR for our 2010 taxes. Can you say FO-THOUSAND DOLLA! I digress. Serious sum within this context equates to just under 10% of my annual income. That's serious if you ask me. Thanks to the IRS's fancy website there's a nice little Where's My Refund feature. A few days after we filed April 6 became a very important day. And, not just because it was right on the tail of our 6 year anniversary.

Jump from mid-Feb to April 5 (ONE DAY before we're getting our money back): IRS notification comes in via snail mail.

Hello Mr. & Mrs. Blonde...blah blah blah...confusing mumbo jumbo...blah blah blah...Form ROYGBIV8329...blah blah blah...delayed...blah blah..

WAIT!

WHAT?!

DELAYED?!

What?!

(sighing / obscure profanity / disbelief / Why does God hate me? / etc)

Numerous phone calls and emails to my accountant and the IRS reveal that we filed everything 100% accurately but there seems to be a missing signature. Amidst the next phone call into the IRS:

"Well, that's interesting. It seems that particular form doesn't require a signature. You see, sir.," the agent continues, "The forms go through our mail room before they arrive to where they're supposed to go."

"Uh huh."

"Sometimes sections of returns can be misplaced."

"Alright. So how do we fix this," I inquire trying not to absolutely freak out on this chick.

"Complete the notification sent to you and you should have your refund within a couple weeks."

I step by step then walked through the notification with her to ensure I was doing exactly what they wanted.

"Mam, the form here says this could delay the refund 6 to 8 weeks instead of 2 as you mentioned."

She replies, "You should rely on what the notification says, sir."

"...ok..."

"Is there anything else I can help you with today?"

"No, mam"

In summary: The Federal government is holding on to our money a while longer because the IRS's dog ate my homework. Let's not forget, I'm (along with you) paying their salaries to make these sorts of errors. Oh, and, they're making interest on it while I wait (think they'll pay me that interest back?) AND, I never even got an apology! Not to sound quite so cynical I'm extremely thankful for the U.S. government and the freedoms we have. Public schools, transportation, roads, voting...all of it. But, how is it that I can get better customer service buying a pack of diapers at Target, ordering something through Etsy or winning an auction on eBay than I can from my own government?

-Mr. Blonde