I finally feel like myself again. After hearing Mr. Blonde tell me, he felt like he was "on a island." I thought, "Wow! I was totally out of it." (Mr. Blonde Editor's Note: To be fair I did say that, but it was within the context of having received a very kind supportive text message from Mrs. Blonde with regard to some difficult circumstances. I responded thanking her profusely for the note and that it was clear I wasn't feeling as alone as I had been without her support.) I don't think I have ever felt so tired and not present in my life. I no longer puking or feeling nauseous! Yeah! Crazy to think what in the world my hormones were doing during that time. It was hard not to be able to even talk to my husband because I was so nauseous and couldn't keep my eyes open. I cannot even begin to explain how I felt during those weeks. I am not about to tell you it was easy, but I can tell you that I was still able to find joy throughout the day.
I feel so blessed for the union that I have with my husband! He chooses to pursue me and love me in a ways I cannot explain. And, LA and Boatboy loved me SO well during those weeks. They were extra cuddly and loving with kisses and saying things like, "Momma, you are so pretty!" It's incredible even in my worst days they still view me as pretty and fun and want to take care of me. How can a mother of a 3.5-yr-old and Almost-2-yr-old ask for more? That innocent love of a child is something I desire in my own life. It's awesome what I can learn from God through my little guys.
I have been able to walk almost every day with the boys. And, dance! I am enjoying my growing bump. Embracing this will be my last pregnancy...I think! I am not allowing all the fears I could have invade my life like I was in the beginning. I am more thankful everyday for the life God has given me. God is strengthening my faith daily. That is my biggest prayer request for all you who are praying for me.
"...I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God's love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow; not even the powers of hell can separate us from God's love." -Romans 8:38 (NLT)
With the help of God I am not worrying about tomorrow. I'm trusting that God has each day planned and growing increasingly comfortable with having nothing figured out myself. It is so funny to me when I talk about nursing, delivering, sleeping, eating, schedules with the first two pregnancies...I kind of have things figured out and now thinking of having the twins...I am clueless. I am finding joy in trusting God with all of my worries (especially finances) and my unknowns. I so look forward to the ride that is ahead of us.
I am so thankful for the family and friends who REALLY know us and are on this journey with us. I don't know what I would do without each of you! Even through the hardest physical and emotional days I love the adventure God has me on and I embrace the beauty of our life. What a joy it is to share my heart with you as God paves my way.
We find out what we are having next Friday! I can't even wait to find out what these critters are!!!
The joys of my boys. Boatboy playing beautiful music and LA organizing Daddas wire nuts and anchors.