Monday, August 30, 2010

Am I ready?

I am in waiting mode. They're coming. Any day now we're going to double the amount of sons we have.

I finished up a few make-up artistry jobs last week that I really wanted to do. One being them Dream Makeover reveal party.

I have been pretty much on my own "couch rest." I can't really do a whole lot. The only time I am comfortable is when I am lying down. The boys (LA: 4 / Boatboy: 2) have been great most days. And a struggle other times.

I have struggled with feeling like a real sucky Mom lately. I don't chase
them around the yard, kick a soccer ball, take them to the park, play tag, push them on swings, carry them like babies or turn the music up so loud we can't even hear ourselves singing and dance our little hearts out. Those are the things I so miss right now. We read. A lot! Thank goodness they like me reading to them!

I had a break down 4 nights ago...

When LA was born I nursed him day and night and just stare at him. I never ever put him down. I was so madly in love with this child and loved every minute of it.

When Boatboy was born I nursed him day and night and was in awe of him every moment. I often wondered before he was born if I would have enough time to get to know him as well because LA was taking up all my time. But it worked! So perfectly! God gave me plenty of time, energy and love for both boys!

So, I am now questioning the same thing. How will I really be able to know each twin fully while two toddlers are running around? I know the answer to my own question and my amazing loving husband reminds me that I am not doing this alone. (I truly have the most precious husband.)

I often wonder about the twins....who will i look at when I am nursing? who will I pick up first? What if one is more fussy than the other? Will I favor one over the other? I had 2 very easy boys...will the twins be that easy?

I know God has prepared me to a Mom of multiples as my 3rd and 4th child(ren) And, all of these questions will work themselves out. But I still ask myself them all the time.

I started having uncomfortable contractions last week. I am SO tired. I am HUGE (35 1/2 weeks). But those sweet boys are still growing in me and I praise God everyday for that.

God has blessed us with so much!

FAMILY who selflessly love us and help with anything we need. For example - my mom and dad take the kids ALL the time to provide much needed breaks and the boys come home so happy!

My sweet Momma does laundry like a super woman and even took home an entire basket of unmatched socks to match for us.

My Aunt and Uncle take the boys once a week for an entire day to give me rest. AMAZING!!

My Mother-in-Law came over and hand washed an entire sink of dishes, brought us dinner and fresh favorite.

FRIENDS who have us over for dinner and bring us meals. Wow! Food that I don't have to prepare and know my family is eating well is such a blessing. People offering to watch the boys for a couple hours. And all the people who continue to encourage me, send me texts, diapers, gifts and pray for me daily. I am so BLESSED!

As I write all of this, I know I am being prepared for the arrival of the twins. My body feels very different as of last week. My heart feels more ready. And I am getting silly, excited and nervous. The delivery of two just scares me a bit. However, I am ready when they are.

I am two days from being 36 weeks pregnant. So bring on the babies and your prayers! If the timing is right for the babies to come this weekend I would be thrilled. My doctor is on call!!!!

A big thanks to Emily, the designHer Momma, for lending me her cute black preggers dress effectively hiding 51 extra pounds! No shame here - I have TWO in there!


Shannon said...

You are BEAUTIFUL, Momma!!! I am so proud of you. I pray for you and I know you are ready. I love your realness...that's what's going to see you through.

Sophie walked in our dark house the other night and I told her I would go before her. She said, "No I'm not afraid, because Jesus is with me." She was a little scared, I could tell, but she had faith. So do YOU!!!! Jesus is with you and it's okay to be a little anxious ;)! I love you and am praying for you!!! said...

Intense Debates plug-in comment feature has been swallowing up comments once someone posts via Blogger. Sorry for lost comments, folks. We'll work to get it fixed. [Mr]